Dear Fucktards,

And by Fucktards, I mean the continent and country of Australia - where I live but am not a citizen.

You see, Dear Fucktards readers...I am an American by birth.  I was born in raised in the US and moved to Australia when I was 20 to be with the man that I had fallen in love with.

....but I digress.  I'm here now and I address the Australians.

IN PARTICULAR THE FUCKTARD AUSTRALIANS WHO ELECTED TONY ABBOTT IN TO PARLIAMENT.

I would just like to ask you folks...what the FUCK you were thinking when you elected a terrible fucking human being to lead your country.

But you know what? By this point...I'm a little drunk...so I'ma just show you what you fucking did wrong.

Don't Be A Fucking Idiot.com...oh wait...too fucking late.

I always knew there was something off about Goodwill.  This needs no further explanation.

I don't just go around trolling on the internet looking for things to be pissed off about.  I know, shocked, right?  It seems like I in all of my rage would love just trolling the net and making enemies - but I'm not actually that angry a person.

Actually this kind of is my motto some days..

I am, however, a passionate person.

When I started reading this article I kept an open mind.  I don't even get all pissed when I read in an article, "Boy the gays sure do make me feel uncomfortable."  because that's honest and true and ...just a bro expressing himself.  It's not hateful and vicious or blatantly incorrect.

...and then I got here...

Dr Denton said that it wasn't natural for two men or two men to be together. 

"Sodomy is not a natural sexual act," he said.

What?  Claim what you want about sodomy.  That it's evil.  That it's dirty.  That it's wrong.  That it isn't fun (LIARS).  That it hurts. That it's gross.  That it is shameful.  Fine.  I mean ....I think you're wrong but...that's just me.  Those are opinions.

I know, I'm a terrible person.

....but sodomy is very fucking much a natural sexual act.

It's not like no one thought about sticking it in the poop chute until humans came along and we decided to reserve it only for our very evilest goings on.

Seriously.  I like to be a rational grown-ass woman but what kind of fucking moron -are you-, bro?

There are whole species of animal who engage in homosexual sex as part of their normal relationships.

Australian Black Swans for example, while monogamous, engage in relationships with more than one swan at the same time - resulting in some cygnets (baby swans) having three parents.  This happens about 1/3 of the time.  About 1/4 of the time...pairings of black swans are flat-out homosexual.  Two man-swans get together and mate for life.  They raise cygnets together.  They grow old.  They die together.  This has been going on for millions of years before humans crawled out of their caves.  Homosexuality has been around longer than Jesus, peeps.

(Somewhere, someone is asking "wait, how do two male swans produce offpsing"?  Well it happens a few different ways.  Sometimes a couple of swans will simply take over another nest.  Sometimes they will pair with a female in order to produce offspring and will then eject her from the relationship and raise the young.  Cygnets raised by two male swans as opposed to one male swan and one female swan have higher survival rates likely due to the increased protection of two males rather than one.)

SOMEHOW.  Swans have managed not to crumble under the pressure of their extremely gay swanny lifestyle.  In fact, it actually seems to help.  Well gosh.

Shut up, baby swans.  Stop being so cute.

And anyway.  I'm getting sick of this notion that buttsex is strictly for homosexuals. Depending on which study you reference, somewhere between about 25% and 35% of heterosexual women engage in anal sex with their male partners on a regular basis.

I think that a lot of people just forget that straight people have anal sex too.  There seems to be this perception somewhere that gay men engage in anal sex because it's the only kind of sexual gratification that they can find - what with their equipment and all.

But I hate to burst your conservative little bubbles...there are a great many ways in which two consenting mens can enjoy each other (preferably after I've made some popcorn).

So if heterosexual women can get their sexual gratification from other means - why do they engage in anal sex?  ...I suspect a lot of people are going to think, "To make the man happy."...which is depressing and kind of a sad statement on your view of relationships bro, you should have that looked at.

It might be a surprise, I know...but they do it because they like it.

Back around 2005 as a young legal clerk I had the misfortune of sitting down with a couple of my coworkers who I would normally have classified as "pippytwats".  The kind of girls who came to work in stilettos and judged another woman on her shoes and handbag and not her mind and skills.

We were having lunch and one of them, a grown-ass woman, started talking about how gross and weird it was that women have anal sex.  ...except that being the super-mature beings they were, they called it "buttsex".  It was the only word in every sentence that was whispered.

"Men like it because they have a clit in their butt.  That's what I heard."

"I heard it never goes back to the same size again and you poop yourself a lot."

I have this nasty habit of speaking up when people say stupid things.  Also I apparently have a nasty habit of starting what I hope to be helpful, informative sentences by saying, "Actually..." in a somewhat condescending voice.  I actually feel really terrible about that as I usually just want to inform someone, not make them feel like shit....

I informed the young women of the prostate and what it does.  I also informed them that anal sex is pleasurable for women too - not just men.

One of those two women never spoke to me again such was her horror at my having been so candid on the topic of anal sex.

But people...it's time to start talking about things.  Not because I think it's entirely inappropriate or because I think now is the very best time or because I want to offend anyone - but because being quiet about shit and not talking about it never helped anything.

So, in conclusion, Dr Denton is either deluded, an asshole or possibly both.  But he gets a great big "GO FUCK YOURSELF" from this blogger.  Keep strong, fucktards.

(From her own, private blog with her permission.  I have left it fully intact but the first part won't make sense to many of you.  Images added by me.)

Also a small badger.

Yesterday evening, as some of you caught, I got into a bit of a debate with a friend on the definition of "cheating". For the most part, I totally agreed with her points, until she came to "Is it cheating if his wife knows about us and says it's okay? Yes. You are cheating."
Whoa! Huh?

Cheat

1: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud
2: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice
3: to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting

I'm not going to rehash the whole debate, but one would assume that two married peoples are capable of having an open and frank conversation about something so potentially sensitive. One would HOPE that the feelings of your spouse would matter to you and that a joint decision could be reached between the two.
So the "knows about us and says it's okay" part is presumably truth.
I don't get how this is considered cheating at all.

BUT, that's not what we're going to talk about.
Inevitably, in these sorts of conversations, I always piss off a few ppl by pointing out biology, anthropology, psychology, zoology... (some other ologies) and the fact that humans are just another animal. (YEEPS!)

Human

"Humans (variously Homo sapiens and Homo sapiens sapiens) are primates of the family Hominidae, and the only extant species of the genus Homo. Humans are distinguished from other primates by their bipedal locomotion, and especially by their relatively larger brain with its particularly well developed neocortex, prefrontal cortex and temporal lobes, which enable high levels of abstract reasoning, language, problem solving, and culture through social learning." (thank you, Wiki)

Looks like a party to me!

We... are a species of primate of the class of mammalia.

I fail to see how this prompts the peoples to grab their torches and pitchforks, but it almost always does.
My point in bringing this up is that we (collectively) seem to hold ourselves above the rest of the animal kingdom. WHY? Why does humanity have to think they're so fucking special?
Cuz we love? Tell a dog lover that his dog doesn't really love him. Go ahead, do it.
Cuz we're socially dependent? Not so unique. Look at any pack or troop.
Cuz we build shit? Ants, bees, and termites build shit.... Fuck, they have organized social structures. Do they love? Hell. Maybe. I dunno. I've never been an ant.
The point to all this is that while monogamy is quite common in birds, it's not so common for mammals. In fact, only about 9% of mammals are monogamous. Only about a quarter of the primates (that's us) live monogamously.
Human incidence of social monogamy
"According to the Ethnographic Atlas, of 1,231 societies from around the world noted, 186 were monogamous; 453 had occasional polygyny; 588 had more frequent polygyny; and 4 had polyandry."

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? MONOGAMY ISN'T EVEN THE SOCIAL NORM FOR HUMANS!!

There are two working theories on why humans evolved monogamy. 1) Infanticide, and 2) geographic distance between females.
That's right. People paired up to protect their offspring from other men who would kill babies to ensure the longevity of their own seed... and because the mens didn't want other mens impregnating their womens while they were off impregnating other womens.

Noble, right?

So, since we've established that monogamy is not necessarily the "norm"...
I get confused when people talk about "traditional marriage".
Whose tradition are you glorifying?

I know, you can't read this - but click on the image, it's worth it.

Monogamy didn't really take off in the Western world until the plow age. People worked hard for their land, needed to breed a work force to maintain it, and wanted to keep it in the family. Marriage at that point was only for the upper classes. Women were traded for money and livestock and property. Love was not involved in marriage. Love was for commoners (who were not allowed to marry). Love was for mistresses. Love in marriage has only been socially appropriate since the 17th-18th centuries.

Marriage as a "holy union" only came about somewhere around the 5th century, but it didn't become one of the Seven Sacraments until 1215. Still, it wasn't until the 16th century that weddings had to be preformed publicly by a priest. So... if you said you spoke vows with your hunny down by the creek, the world viewed you as married. (Does "Oh God! Oh God! Yes! Yes! ..... I love you", count as vows? Hehehe I guess I've been married a few times!) (source)
(And, tho this is a totally DIFFERENT argument, up until about the 12th century, the Catholic Church preformed male-bonding ceremonies... that's right, gay marriages. Google that shit!)
So considering that our idea of "traditional marriage" is only about 250 years old, and that this idea started drastically evolving in about the 1950's, this "tradition" only lasted about 190 years. Even if you're one of those ones who thinks that the earth is only a few thousand years old (NUTS!), the tradition that you cling to is relatively brief and new and dying.

I am just trying to state some facts here. I'm not trying to tell you what is right or wrong, what you should or shouldn't be, or what is better or worse. In fact, I'm not even a poly person.

OMG!! I'm a straight, mono-type person.

Cuz that's who I am. It doesn't make it right or wrong. It doesn't have anything whatsoever to do with what you are or who you should be or who and how you should love.
Hell, it might not even have anything to do with who I am tomorrow. ~shrug~
I just get agitated by people who cling to falsehoods and hold them up to measure the "wrongs" of others.

If you don't like it, mind your own fucking business.

I'ma make this short and to the point.

I'm seeing a lot of two things on the internet right now.  Only one of them bothers me.

1. 

2. I DO NOT LIKE THIS EXPERIENCE.  I FIND IT DISTRESSING AND UPSETTING TO MY TENDER BITS AND MORALITY.  BUT I SHALL CONTINUE TO EXPERIENCE IT WILLINGLY BECAUSE IT WILL GIVE ME SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ON FACEBOOK WHEN I GET BORED WITH CANDY CRUSH SAGA.

The End

(PS, bros - I just want to give a shout-out to my lovely husband whose response to this post was, "Yeah seriously.  She's an adult.  If she wants to sexualise herself, that's -fine-."  He gets me.)

This gave me a giggle and I thought I'd share it.