Hate-On #5 - The Flat Earth Society

by Unknown 4:22 AM 2 comments bad science hate-on the flat earth society

When we were kids, we were all told about the great explorers of times gone by who believed naively that the world was flat. We heard tales of sailors believing that when they saw a ship sail over the horizon - it had gone off the edge into nothingness. Somewhere around 500BC Pythagoras had it figured out (though whether or not he was the first is of some debate).

A couple hundred years later around 330BC - Aristotle noted that "there are stars seen in Egypt and [...] Cyprus which are not seen in the northerly regions." - which happens because you can only see stars that are above the horizon. Yay for logic.

Eratosthenes was even more in the know. Using a well, a pole and some math - correctly measured the circumference of the earth (with an error rate of 5 - 10%, close enough, damnit - this was around the 2nd century BC, give the man a break). Kind of sexy, isn't it?

The idea that the earth is a sphere and not flat has been pretty common and accepted knowledge since the Middle Ages. We were leet, we were hip...we weren't....you know, necessarily right about our estimations on some things (Columbus' estimation of the distance from Spain to the East Indies for example - how embarrassing!) - but we got the idea, at least. (By the way, did you know that Columbus didn't try once but FOUR TIMES to find the East Indies? ...this in itself is not that impressive or dumb - except that he took much the same route (to The Bahamas) every time - just bouncing in different patterns between The Bahamas and Cuba each time. What was that definition of insanity again?)

But I suppose that no matter how logical the argument - there will always be people who disbelieve everything you say. Enter The Flat Earth Society. While those who believe that the earth is flat have been around forever - The Flat Earth Society (TFES) has only been around officially since 1956 - started up by Samuel Shenton as an organization supporting alternative science.

Samuel Shenton started all of this shortly before the first photos were taken from space. Guess what he did when those came out? Called them an optical illusion.

We went to the moon? Shenton called it a fake - stating that the moon landing was a hoax - a Hollywood production based on a writing by Arthur C. Clarke (Arthur C. Clarke responded to this by writing NASA and demanding his royalties, threatening legal action from his lawyers "Messrs Geldsnatch, Geldsnatch and Blubberclutch" (these sound like hobbit hooker names). This makes me giggle.)

My personal favourite headline published by TFES is: "Sun Is a Light 32 Miles Across". I can't stop making a derp face when I read that.

So what's the world look like to what I call the "Flat Earthians"?

(Please note that this is not me making fun of Terry Pratchett. I fucking love Terry Pratchett and would have his babies if he asked me to. Think of this more as a snickering fistbump to Terry Pratchett. What? Flat Earthians? Oh yeah, I'm totally making fun of them. Idiots.)

Picture a big flat disc with the north pole at the centre and a giant ring of ice around the outer edge. That's right. The South Pole isn't a pole, it's the edge of a disc. Apparently it looks like the United Nations flag...

...which they claim(ed in 1978) is evidence of their position. "The UNITED NATIONS is seeking to take the Place of the UNITED STATES...in the fulfillment of the Bible and George Washington's Dream. A ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT basis of which is THIS FLAT EARTH. The UN has taken our Flat Earth Society Map...as its SYMBOL! One Flat World! It IS located here in the US! UNICEF's aim is to help the World's Children. You can write for their paper. Since the Founders of the UN ALL knew earth Flat OUR map is still used...it is "A" flat earth organization. (sp)"

After that they kind of lost me with the babbling and crazy.

TFES uses "science" and "logic" to explain why they believe the earth is flat and why the rest of us are wrong. The problem with their "logic" is that it's the kind of logic you expect a 3 year old to come up with before they've had the chance to know better. For example, a 3 year old thinking that the surfaces of clouds might be a fluffy cushion on which you could sleep and not visible water vapour that would, in fact, not hold anything other than...well...water. Whereas your average 3 year old eventually learns that these things are not so, those in TFES adamantly insist on their fluffy clouds of poofiness and mock the rest of us by saying that they can see how WE were so easily deceived into thinking that they were nothing but water.

They think that because the sun produces no shadow at high noon (for an area of about 32 miles (which is actually not true at all)), it means the sun is 32 miles across because obviously if you're outside the diameter of the light source - it will cast a shadow when overhead. Except that this is wrong anyway. If you're standing underneath a say...10 foot disc of light - you'd have to be dead centre for the light to cast no shadow. As soon as you move away from the exact centre of the disc, the fact that there is more light on one side of you than the other will cast SOME shadow. You don't have to be completely outside the diameter of the disc. A 3 year old would learn better - TFES covers their ears and screams "NONONONONONO! WRONG!"

For my explanation on their beliefs in gravity - let me replay my conversation with my husband.

Me: What's it called when you decide that a theory is a lie ...but for your theory to be true, other theories must also be a lie - so you just start making up theories to support your idea, whether or not they're supported by any sort of fact?

Husband: ....insanity?

That's about where I'm going with this.

You see, TFES doesn't believe in gravity as such. Why don't they believe in gravity?

"..because it requires a large, spherical mass pulling objects uniformly toward its center."

That's right. Because it would require the earth to be spherical and not flat. They don't believe in gravity because if the earth is flat, gravity can't exist. Does your brain hurt yet?

Of course, they have to believe that something is causing us to stick to the ground, right? (Please God?!) They do. (Oh thank goodness...) They think that we stick to the ground because the discyearth is accelerating upward. (....) Because we experience 1g of gravity just standing still, obviously the earth is accelerating at a rate of 1g. (...?@!?!??!##?) This gets better. The two models they rely on are either the Universal Accelerator which sits under the earth and makes anything it touches accelerate - or Dark Energy "which accelerates all celestial bodies". (*head explodes*)

I'm not going further into this because it's making me stupid. ...I'm just going to posit the question to TFES...if we're accelerating through space...where are we going? Are we going on a trip? A journey? Do we have some epic destination??!

And I leave you with this question that is in their FAQ.

Q: "How is it that the Earth does not have a gravitational pull, but stars and the moon do?

A: This argument is a non-sequitur. You might as well ask, "How is it that snakes do not have legs, but dogs and cats do?" Snakes are not dogs or cats. The Earth is not a star or the moon. It does not follow that each must have exactly the properties of the others, and no more.

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